reenabob (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} reinabelle) wrote,@ 2004-12-26 20:10:00 |
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The
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snowinandblowin authors and artists have finally been revealed! Here's the fic I wrote for metatrix.Notes: Post-308, rated NC-17.
Going Back to Be
A few weeks after Ethan, Justin wakes up with a warm, heavy weight across his chest. He blinks his eyes a few times against the bright sunlight streaming through the windows and tilts his chin down to see Brian draped across him, breathing heavily into his neck.
Justin still feels a giddy rush of happiness when it hits him that they’re together again. He lifts his head just a fraction to nuzzle his face in Brian’s hair as he runs one hand down his smooth back. Brian leans slightly into his touch and when Justin feels Brian’s hard cock rub against his thigh, his own dick throbs in response.
Brian lifts his head and yawns. Justin rolls onto his side, trying to rub his dick against Brian’s and Brian lets out a sleepy laugh.
“I see you’re up.”
Justin doesn’t reply; instead he ruts against Brian’s thigh and Brian cups his ass, guiding his movements. It feels so familiar, and just when Justin thinks he can come simply with Brian’s hands on his body and their cocks rubbing together, Brian pushes him over onto his back and slides down Justin’s body. He leaves a wet trail of kisses along Justin’s chest and stomach and Justin can’t help twisting his fingers in Brian’s hair when Brian takes him in his mouth. Justin is still not used to the way Brian can overwhelm him in seconds and so it’s not long before he’s thrusting up into the tight, wet heat of his mouth and coming down Brian’s throat.
“Jesus, Brian. That was hot.” Justin catches his breath for a moment before rolling over to reciprocate, but Brian brushes him away.
Justin is a little incredulous. “Are you turning down sex?”
Brian grabs him by the arm and pulls him out of bed. “Never,” he grins wickedly, dragging Justin to the shower.
-----
Justin brushes his teeth and watches as Brian towels off and heads for the bedroom. So far it has been a good morning-- quiet and easy in a way it had never been with Ethan. His stomach still clenches unpleasantly when he thinks about the disaster that his relationship with Ethan had been. He had spent much of his time trying to convince himself that he hadn’t meant anything to Brian, because the alternative made him nauseous; it was a lot easier to feel indignant and outraged when he believed that Brian hadn’t loved him.
Justin hums to himself as he gets dressed. It’s Saturday and he doesn’t have any plans; he can’t think of a better way to start the day than a morning blowjob followed by a shower fuck.
He heads to the kitchen where Brian is making coffee and approaches him from behind, wrapping his arms around Brian’s waist. He stands on tiptoe to kiss the back of Brian’s neck as he runs one hand over Brian’s crotch.
Brian chuckles and turns around in Justin’s arms.
“Sorry, Sunshine, but you’re gonna have to wait for the next round. I have to go into the office.”
“You’re sure you don’t want to stay?” Justin thrusts his hips against Brian and flashes his brightest smile.
Brian rubs against him for a moment before pulling back slightly.
“For some reason I’ve been distracted lately,” Brian drawls. “I have work to catch up on. I just need a couple hours to finish off a few things and then I’ll be back.”
“I should really spend all day at school. I have a project due next week.” Justin slides his hand into Brian’s pants as he speaks, and cups him over his briefs.
Brian laughs and kisses him, and when his tongue touches Justin’s, it’s like a jolt of electricity through his body. They have hardly been able to keep their hands off each other since that night in Brian’s office, but every time they touch, it’s like the first time all over again.
Justin smiles and pulls his hand out of Brian’s pants. He grabs his shoes from the floor and plops down on a chair, wincing a little as he sits.
“What’s the matter, Sunshine?” Brian asks.
“I feel like a virgin again. My ass hasn’t seen so much action in months,” Justin replies.
They haven’t really talked much about their time apart, and while Justin doesn’t expect to sit down and have a discussion with Brian about it, he’d rather it not be this thing that never gets mentioned. Brian is in a good mood this morning and doesn’t seem to mind the reference.
Brian smirks. “Ah, of course. Without me you didn’t have anyone to fuck you all night.”
“Actually, I didn’t have anyone to fuck me at all.”
Brian eyes him with interest. “You didn’t let him fuck you?”
Justin shakes his head no, even though he would rather drop this whole subject than have a detailed conversation about sex with Ethan.
“Never?”
“Never.”
Brian raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms.
“I didn’t think you could go that long without a cock up your ass.”
Brian grabs his briefcase and coat before Justin can reply. “I’m going to work,” he says, and Justin can’t read anything in his voice.
He approaches Brian and touches him gently on the arm.
“I’ll see you later?”
Brian kisses him on the forehead and nods once, before walking out the door without a word.
-----
Justin doesn’t hear from Brian that evening, but just as he’s getting ready for bed at Daphne’s, the phone rings.
“Meet me at Babylon in an hour.”
When Justin arrives, Brian is already drunk and immediately drags Justin to the bar, pressing a drink into his hand.
“Bottoms up, Sunshine,” he says with a grin, clinking their glasses together.
Justin sips his drink and watches Brian scan the room. Brian’s cheeks are flushed from the alcohol and he has a predatory look in his eyes that Justin recognizes all too well.
“He’s hot.” Brian motions to a tall, muscled guy at the edge of the dance floor. “Why don’t you go fuck him?”
“No thanks.”
“Or maybe you could let him suck you off.” Brian’s eyes glitter in the lights.
“Why don’t we go home and I’ll let you suck me off?” Justin doesn’t think Brian is capable of giving a very good blow job right now, but he’s just not in the mood to be here.
“But you just got here.” Brian eyes the dance floor again. “How about him?” Brian gestures aimlessly toward the crowd, and Justin isn’t sure Brian even knows which guy he is referring to.
“Nope.” Justin knows Brian is testing him and he waits to see where this is going.
Brian throws back the rest of his drink and slams the glass down on the bar. He leans in until their faces are just inches apart, and Justin can smell whiskey and feel Brian’s warm breath.
“Maybe you could let him fuck you.” Brian pulls back and watches Justin carefully.
“What the fuck Brian?” Justin is a little surprised, because Brian doesn’t ever push him to get fucked at Babylon by anyone other than himself.
“You don’t want it?” Brian’s eyes narrow.
“No, I really don’t,” Justin answers.
“Fine, I’ll fuck him.” Brian turns away from Justin and heads for the dance floor.
Justin watches as Brian approaches the guy and whispers in his ear. Justin has seen him pick up tricks a thousand times and he knows it will only take a minute. When they head the backroom together, Justin contemplates going back to Daphne’s, but Brian is pretty drunk and Justin doesn’t want to leave him here.
It’s only ten minutes later when Brian swaggers out alone, and he doesn’t protest when Justin suggests going home.
Brian gropes him in the elevator, but he is drunk enough for Justin to easily deflect him. Brian staggers through the door and heads toward the bedroom, leaning heavily on Justin’s arm. Justin helps him undress and climb into bed, and he pulls off his own clothes and slides in beside him, leaning up on his elbow and looking down at Brian.
“I didn’t fuck him. He wasn’t that hot up close.” Brian’s words are slurred and he blinks heavily up at Justin.
“I know.”
Justin traces his fingers across Brian’s chest.
“Why didn’t you let him fuck you?” Brian mumbles.
“Like you said, he wasn’t that hot. I could tell.” Justin strokes Brian’s side and watches his eyes get heavier and heavier.
“Not him.” Brian’s eyes open wide for a moment and he gazes intently at Justin.
And Justin finally gets it.
Justin rubs his hand across his eyes, trying to come up with the right way to explain.
When he looks down at Brian again, his eyes are closed and his breathing is soft and steady. Justin reaches up to touch Brian’s face. Justin always thinks Brian looks beautiful, but he when he’s asleep, all the tension disappears and his expressions softens -- Justin can never resist running his hand along his cheek.
------
Brian had a rule for threesomes and orgies: nobody except Brian was allowed to top Justin. They never discussed it, but anytime a trick made a move for Justin, Brian just smirked and said, “You don’t get to fuck him.”
In the beginning, Justin had latched onto any evidence that he was more than just another trick to Brian, and the idea that Brian didn’t want anyone else fuck him when they were together had made Justin swell with pride and excitement.
The thrill of fucking other guys combined with the knowledge he shared something special with Brian soon spilled over into sex without Brian, and with every trick he thought smugly to himself, You don’t get to fuck me.
It was supposed to be different with Ethan.
He had loved Brian, he had just wanted to hear the words so badly that he hadn’t listened for anything else, so he had left for violin music and whispered promises.
It hadn’t been easy to let go.
He remembers the first time he had sex with Ethan -- it wasn’t like being with a trick and it definitely wasn’t like his first night with Brian. He had taken the lead because that was what he did with guys who weren’t Brian, and he had told himself that it wasn’t about a rule or proving a point, but rather just habit. This is different, he had thought after it was over, Ethan can top me any time he wants to. Brian doesn’t make the rules anymore.
But there had been a whispered voice inside his head whispering, it wasn’t just about rules.
Justin had been angry; he had wanted to roll over and let Ethan fuck him. He had even come close one time, but the moment he had felt Ethan’s weight press against his back -- sharp and clammy instead of soft and warm -- and heard his excited gasps in his ear, Justin had pushed him off, making up some excuse about a headache like a goddamned lesbian.
He wanted to be mad at Brian for making that stupid rule that he couldn’t seem to get past. Brian didn’t own him-- he wasn’t property where Brian could put up a No Trespassing sign, but the voice in his head was back, reminding him that it had been more than just a rule to Brian.
He remembers lying in the dark and thinking, Fuck you, Brian, but even in his head it had sounded more defeated than defiant.
Justin soon figured out that candles and roses and words are sometimes just bullshit, and that You don’t get to fuck him can also mean a whole lot more.
Ethan had never topped him -- it had been the only rule Justin never broke.
------
Justin opens the loft door the next evening just as Brian is coming out of the bedroom pulling a sweater over his head. From his bare feet and old jeans, Justin knows he’s not planning to go out.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You’re staying in?”
“Yeah.”
Brian seems a little tense and preoccupied and Justin wishes, not for the first time, that Brian would just open his mouth and talk. But Justin doesn’t press the issue, and he lets Brian lead him into the bedroom, content with the knowledge that they’re going to talk about this Brian’s way.
After they have freed themselves of their clothes, Justin stretches out on his back as Brian crawls over him.
Brian sucks on his neck as one hand skims down his side, and Justin can’t help arching up into Brian’s touch. He feels a warm hand wrap around his cock, and Brian strokes him gently as Justin closes his eyes and lets his head fall back on the pillow.
“Justin,” Brian whispers into his neck.
“Mmmm… Brian,” Justin moans in response.
Brian’s hand stills and Justin feels him lift his head from his neck and his voice comes more insistent this time.
“Justin.”
Justin opens his eyes to find Brian looking down at him, and it’s a look Justin recognizes immediately despite the fact that he hasn’t seen since before Ethan. Justin swallows hard and holds his gaze for a moment before reaching up and gently pushing on Brian’s shoulder. Brian rolls over willingly and buries his head in the pillow.
Justin straddles the backs of his thighs and smoothes his hands across Brian’s back. He missed Brian so much when they were apart, and he imagined them fucking a hundred times a day, but in every fantasy, Brian was on top. Until he rubs his cock along the crack of Brian’s ass and feels Brian shift beneath him, he doesn’t realize just how much he has missed this. He brings his knees in between Brian’s thighs, and gently pushes his legs apart. Brian is spread out beneath him, his head buried in the pillow and Justin feels a surge of emotion sharp and fierce, and he wants to wrap his arms around Brian and kiss his face and stroke his hair and just hold him.
His hand trembles a little as he reaches for the lube and he takes a deep breath. He rubs one slick finger around Brian’s hole before pushing it in very gently. He knows with 100% certainly that he was the last person to fuck Brian, but that had been months ago.
He slides his finger in and out slowly before adding a second finger alongside the first. Brian’s body stiffens a little and his ass clenches around Justin’s fingers. Justin’s dick twitches, and he has to fight the urge to skip the preparation and fuck Brian’s brains out.
After a few minutes Justin hears Brian’s breathing get heavy and when he pushes back slightly on Justin’s hand, Justin pulls out his fingers and rolls on a condom. He leans forward, bracing himself on one hand beside Brian, the other hand guiding his cock to Brian’s hole.
Justin gasps when the head of his dick slides in and he stops. Brian is so tight, and as his ass clenches around him, Justin is afraid he will come right there. He runs one hand up Brian’s side and leans forward to rest his forehead on his back. He can hear Brian’s sharp breaths and then suddenly Brian tilts his hips and Justin sides all the way in with a groan.
“Oh God Brian,” he moans. “This is so…”
He’s not really sure how to finish that thought so instead he pulls out and then pushes back in again. Justin feels some of the tension leave Brian’s body and when he slides out and in again, he meets less resistance.
Justin fucks him slowly, his face pressed tightly to Brian’s back. Brian clutches the sheets and keeps his head buried in the pillow. Justin’s eyes are closed, but he blindly reaches for Brian’s hand and feels a little rush when Brian’s fingers close around his own.
Justin squeezes Brian’s hand, the other hand clutching his hip as he speeds up. He wants it to last, but fucking Brian is not like fucking anyone else and as Brian raises his hips to meet Justin thrusts, Justin feels his self-control slowly slipping away.
Justin hears the blood rushing in his ears and he is so close – he doesn’t know how he has lasted this long and he wants to tell Brian how fucking fantastic this is, but all he can do is gasp his name over and over.
Justin briefly considers reaching for Brian’s cock but he is too far gone, and it doesn’t seem to matter because moments later Brian jerks sharply beneath him, his ass clenching tightly around Justin’s dick. It’s enough to send Justin over the edge and comes with a groan, his cock pulsing in Brian’s ass.
He stays draped over Brian’s back for a moment catching his breath before pulling out carefully and collapsing onto his back.
Brian stretches out beside Justin one hand absently rubbing his hair. Justin is still a little hazy and loose and he rolls his head against Brian’s hand. He usually waits for Brian to say something first after topping him, but his thoughts are fuzzy and Brian’s hand feels so good in his hair.
“That was amazing.”
Brian’s eyes sparkle and he grins down at Justin. “Since you’ve had so much practice lately I’d figure I’d sample the goods.”
Justin laughs, surprised at Brian’s light mood.
“And how was I?”
“Not as good as me.” Brian leans down and kisses Justin softly.
Brian curls up behind him and pulls Justin close.
“Do you wanna go out?” Brian’s voice breaks the easy silence.
“Now?”
“Yeah, now,” Brian replies.
“But I’m all sticky,” Justin is still feeling the glow from his orgasm, and getting up seems like the worst idea in the world.
“Okay, we’ll stay here.”
Brian kisses Justin’s shoulder and pulls him a little closer as his hand finds Justin’s. It’s familiar-- they’ve been here hundreds of times before, and Justin thinks that this time, everything is going to be alright.
